Silver wings silhouetted against the child's sunrise

rockababie @ 2008-08-27T21:35:00

2008-08-28T01:53:15Z

im so freakin sick of finacial aid for school... all of a sudden this year the amount of aid im receiving has been cut in half. fucking sucks. im broke as broke can be and am trying to figure out how to pay off car insurance!! freakin nuts.... i hate money... i reallyneed to be more responsible. thank god for the extra hours im getting right now. i want to cry

rockababie @ 2008-08-13T00:33:00

2008-08-13T04:40:10Z

it's freakin 12:34 in the morining and i cant sleep. i blame matt

we filled out an application for an appartment today... i guess there is no backing out now.

i have to tell my parents sometime soon, expecially if we get accepted (we were told it was a very simple thing and most likely would... be accepted that is)

god thats scary

my parents are going to hate me

rockababie @ 2008-08-05T21:29:00

2008-08-06T01:34:39Z

im so damn confused!! im not supposed to be thinking about it but anytime i have down time i do!! i dont know what the hell is going on in my head... i dont think it's gonna change

still dont like it

holy shit

2008-07-14T03:43:14Z

holy shit!! it's been forever since i've been on this damn thing! i dont even know if anybody still posts.
i just felt like writing and i dont use myspace and facebook is useless for journal entries sooooooooo here i am. generally i'm not big on writing my life down. i used to be but then i guess i've changed a bit. so anyways, my life as of now. i still live at home, for the time being at least. i AM going to move in with matt in september no matter how ruinous it will be for my relationship with my parents. i guess i've just come to a point in my life where i need to make some monumental decisions on how i want to live the rest of my life. under someone else's thumb or as my own person. my mother says she understands my desire to move out of the house and into an apartment, but she sure as hell doesnt want me to live with matt. she and my father are terrified that i will marry him. i still have no idea why on that front, considering im only twenty and am not planning on getting married until aleast i have a good job and secure in myself, career, and relationship with that person or i hit age 30. i want children but definatly not before 30. in that case i do want to be like my mother. she has lived the most amazing life before she got married and had kids. she was a complete hell raiser when she was my age. and the fact that her life growing up was so different then mine is why i dont think she understands my stance. she was also the youngest and had an easier time of it than her older sister or than i ever will. but i degress. she would like me to move in with one of my girlfriends but the thing is i dont really want to. there isn't anyone i trust more than matt. and poor matt. i must have put him through hell this past week. i renegaded on our plan to move in togeather for a while and i took me about a week and a half to make any movement toward a decision regarding the matter. he so closed off to everyone emotionally that i dont really know how it affected him but i have my suspcions. expesially after when he told me that he was going to go yell at my parents and probably end up arrested (or shot) if my decision had been different or delayed. the reason i told him i wasnt going to go through with it in the first place was because of my mother. well duh. i had just gotten back from Gettysburg PA, the 145th national reenactment, when my mother jumped me. she completly went off on how big a dissapointment i was to her. how i couldnt save money and that i was going to end up like my aunt susan, married young kids young and divorced over money issues. she continued on about how she had been tricked into letting us take her car (which we had but it was not my intention for her to feel tricked. matt's car had broken down and i had no chocie but to ask. she could have said no...) and that when my father's car lease was up there was no way in hell that they were going to be able to get him a car and so i would have to give my car back and would be completely screwed when it came to work and school. which brought her back to how i was a failure and could save any money to save my life. i have never felt more useless or worthless in my entire life. i wanted to just leave. leave everyone and everything behind and save everyone the trouble of dealing with me.... suicide crossed my mind for like thirty seconds before it was completely disregarded as a monumental moment of stupidity. for the entire time that my mother chose to treat me like and traitior, thats what i felt like. a traitior. that i shouldnt be allowed in my own home and that i should find something to do with myself that didnt involve other people. i know when i tell my parents that i am moving out it will be complete and total hell for me for the next few months. in case it isnt clear, matt and i are still togeather after three and a half years. isn't that amazing. just after i felt so used by breck i found the most amazing man. the fact that we started in highschool is hilarious. he still hasnt told me he loves me in case anyone is wondering. and im still fine with that. it does annoy me that he's so reticent about emotions (i am way more free with them than i probably need to be) but anyways. i still go to eastern and am about two years away from my degree and then i am fucking out of michigan.... i recently went to minneapolis minnesota and fell in love with the city again... and if i could get a job in one of the districts just out side the city that would be amazing.... but illinois, minnesota, texas and newyork are high on the list of places where i'd like to go. we'll see where i end up. i am a teller at a bank now and i really like the job as far as it goes. you know i really think i need a vaction...

lots of love

gracie

rockababie @ 2006-04-24T20:26:00

2006-04-25T00:29:58Z

first this:
Workin’ like a dog for the boss man
Workin’ for the company
I’m bettin’ on the dice I’m tossin’
I’m gonna have a fantasy

But where am I gonna look
They tell me that love is blind
I really need a girl like an open book
To read between the lines

(chorus)
Love in an elevator
Livin’ it up whn I’m goin’ down
Love in an elevator
Lovin’ it up till I hit the ground

Jackie’s in the elevator
Lingerie second floor
She said ’can I see you later
And love you just a little more’

I kinda hope we get stuck
Nobody gets out alive
She said ’I’ll show you how to fax
In the mailroom, honey
And have you home by five’

(chorus)

In the air, in the air, honey one more time
Now it ain’t fair
Love in an elevator
Lovin’ it up when I’m goin’ down

Love in an elevator
Goin’ down

(chorus)

Gonna be a penthouse pauper
Gonna be a millionare
I’m gonna be a real fast talker
And have me a love affair

Gotta get my timin’ right
It’s a test that I gotta pass
I’ll chase you all the way to stairway, honey
Kiss your sassafrass

then this:
She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know what it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'

She's got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
Anyway

rockababie @ 2006-04-03T16:44:00

2006-04-03T20:48:53Z

hi everyone. a little update....
musical went awsome i played a whore ahem a courtesan. lol. quit my job to play golf. ugh i dont want to do anything. me and matt are still togeather. 14 months last sunday. nothing else i can think of.... ttyl

rockababie @ 2006-02-04T09:14:00

2006-02-04T14:17:39Z

important thing i forgot!!

matt and mine one year anniversary was on thursday....
my hunny had to work. :( lexie and i went to visit him at taco bell. we got good food. hee he hee

we're going to mongolian barbeque today....,. i havent been there in soooo long..... yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

rockababie @ 2006-02-03T12:08:00

2006-02-03T17:08:06Z

finally got a job

i work at hollister

rockababie @ 2006-01-16T10:52:00

2006-01-16T15:52:46Z

KEROSENE

im waiting on the sun to set cause yesterday aint over yet
i started smoking cigarettes cause there's nothing else to do i guess
dusty roads aint made for walking spinning tires aint made for stopping
well im giving up on love cause love's given up on me

I gave it everything I had and everything I got was bad
Life aint hard but it’s too long to live it like some country song
Trade the truth in for a lie, cheating really aint a crime
I’m giving up on love cause love’s given up on me

forget your high society im soaking it in kerosene
light em up and watch them burn teach them what they need to learn
dirty hands aint made for shaking aint a rule that aint worth breaking
well im giving up on love cuase loves given up one me

well i dont hate the one who's left you cant hate some one whos dead
he's out there holding on to someone im holding up my smoking gun
ill find a place to lay my blame the day she changes her last name
well im giving up on love cuase love's given up on me

rockababie @ 2006-01-09T18:20:00

2006-01-09T23:22:58Z

i got accepted to eastern

my sister is the biggest pain in the ass

my boyfriend is the greatest ever

i had a very nice christmas

i cant stand my father

i have senioritis so freakin bad

i cant wait til school is out -> only like 80 days

i am so happy i have half days starting wed and no school monday

i am not satying home!!!

rockababie @ 2005-12-24T12:01:00

2005-12-24T17:02:05Z

Merry Christmas!!!

happy Hanukka

happy kwanzaa!!

rockababie @ 2005-12-21T15:12:00

2005-12-21T20:13:21Z

bah humbug

and fuck this shit

rockababie @ 2005-12-11T12:45:00

2005-12-11T17:47:43Z

christmas is fast approaching and i still dont have a job. ive filled out thirteen apps and counting and still no one has called me back.

it sucks

anyways, i went to the reenactment christmas party with matt that was fun even tho i knew nobdy. and then we went to chris's party and were bored! hell has frozen over! THAT never happens....

two weeks exactly till break. i dont think im going anywhere. i dont want to go anywhere.

i need a job and a vacation

rockababie @ 2005-11-22T19:07:00

2005-11-23T00:10:39Z

life is good as it's gonna get right now... i dont have much to complain about... great boyfriend, wonderful friends ya. i cant complain about that
applied to 4 more place for a job. hopefully one will call me
im going to my grandma's tommorow for thanksgiving. i will be back friday morning thank god... it would be thursday night if i could swing it
i spent most of sunday and monday asleep. it was really nice.
my sister is the most annoying brat on the face of this planet. and im not even joking. it's pathetic.... well thats all folks

love to all who know

rockababie @ 2005-11-13T15:11:00

2005-11-13T20:24:34Z

your element is fire. you have a harsh temper that
flares up and down in the slightest of winds.
you are intensely loyal to you friends and will
protect them at all costs. you are outgoing and
have a fashion sense that seems to draw people
to you. your temper causes you to seem angry
and withdrawn from the world. be careful not to
say things you dont mean because there is
always the chance that it will be taken the
wrong way. your ideal partner is earth, who's
calm surface will counter your quick tongue.

What is ur element? (pretty pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You will have a Content love. Not
boring, but without fights and problems. You
will just... be in love. Simple as that. As a
person, you're not the one who laughs highest
or most often, nor the one in the dark corner
crying. You are the one who sits watching
everyone else, often with a little smile
playing on your lips. To you, life is good and
you will get what you wish for. You will fall
for someone who is himself, and lets you be
you.

Please rate aaaaand... eat chocolate bars?
*cough*rate*cough* ^^

What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the The Notebook kiss!

Which Movie Kiss Are You? (With Pics!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

rockababie @ 2005-11-10T18:10:00

2005-11-10T23:16:34Z

i was supposed to hang out with matt today. it didnt happen, unless..... nevermind. he was given the wrong schedule by a manager and instead of having to go in at 5 today he had to be there at tweleve. ugh. it put me in a really bad mood. so i sat in front of the television today and watch queen of the damned, interview with a vampire and batman begins. i feel like such a lazy ass. ha it's my own fault. you try to be deep and you end up as shallow as a baby's wading pool. i met one of chris's reenacting friends that matt amazingly didnt know. shes what twenty and has a daughter, lilly, thats 14 mnths. wow. afterwards matt and i were laying on his bed talking, i wanted to say "i love you" so much. i was wrapped in a blanket b/c i was freezing and we were just talking about how he's going to move out in june and i just wanted to say i love you so much. i didnt.

rockababie @ 2005-11-05T16:20:00

2005-11-05T21:27:58Z

i STARVING. im gonna go get chinese when im done with this and when ray finds his wallet.... ive had a headache since yesterday... ugh that sucks. oh well what can i do. i want to go to the movies and see a movie with a GOOD ending... but life is good except for the fact that the trial got canceled because ppl were taking it to seriously. ugh

rockababie @ 2005-11-03T20:04:00

2005-11-04T01:04:31Z

i let it slip.

and now what do i say?

rockababie @ 2005-10-30T09:25:00

2005-10-30T14:30:46Z

my grandma, my favorite person in the world, was in the hospital for a few days. one of her arteries is partially clogged. if she were a younger person they would operate but it's too dangerous at her age. she's going to get air lifted to the mayo clinc in minneapolis to do tests. they might scope a thing, i dont know what, up through one of the arteries in her leg and take it all the way up to her heart and insert like a piece of a plastic straw to keep it vessel open. im really scared i dont kno what id do if she died... im really scared.

i want a hug. i want my grandma

rockababie @ 2005-10-25T15:38:00

2005-10-25T19:39:56Z

about a week till 9 mths.... its insane that i have been dating a guy for as long as it takes to create a human being.... wow!!

halloween is next monday.... yay!! im a sexy pirate... arrrrrrrrrrr

rockababie @ 2005-10-22T15:02:00

2005-10-22T19:12:11Z

took the act today.... that piece of shit. a worthless piece of paper decides the rest of my life. i really i hope i did well.

hung out with matt yesterday. it really sucks that i only get to see him like once or twice a week.

october fest is today gonna go with lexie and whitney... an anybody who shows up...

i really really really hope i did well on the act. i wont know until 4-7 weeks from now. thats longer than the ap tests.... errrg.

next weekend is a ton of halloween parties. im looking forward to that. sexy pirate or demon. i havent decided yet...

i dont regret at all that i didnt go to the last football game of my highschool experiance. im glad i spent it with matt!

rockababie @ 2005-10-20T15:28:00

2005-10-20T19:30:39Z

go to sleep little baby go to sleep little baby
mamma's gone away and your daddy's gonna stay
didnt leave nobody but the baby

let the dreams take you away to that safe place where no one can hurt you. you know your going to be safe while youre in his arms. your man will care for you. cradled in those big strong arms that want to shelter you from the world.

go to sleep little baby go to sleep little baby
everybody's gone in the cotton an the corn
didnt leave nobody but the baby

if youre lost he will find you, if youre alone he'll keep you company. the wings of the angels will sweep ovver your face and sweep away the stress. when the fog creeps along the grass an the ghosts are out a haunting you wont be afraid

your a sweet little baby your a sweet little baby
honeys in the rock and the sugar dont stop
gonna bring a bottle to the baby

he'll take care of you like mine takes care of me. you will not find a person better at it than he. he will take care of you better than your parents an he'll wrry about why your tired and what grades you get but you wont mind because it shows he loves you

dont you weep pretty baby dont you weep pretty baby
she's long gone with the red shoes on
gonna meet another lover baby

he will look into your eyes and you will think you are home. you will never feel uncomfortable in the sight of those eyes. embarrased yes but never uncomfortable and never ever judged. and when he smiles at you you just want to sit there and grin. when he is happy you are happy when he is sad you want to make it better.

go to sleep little baby go to sleep little baby
you me and the devil makes three
dont need another lover baby

the stupid arguments will only make you appreciate him more. and when you are upset he will be worried about what has happened. he will do his best to do no wrong. he will think you are beautiful. your worst qualities to you are your best qualities to him. you are a goddess in his eyes

go to sleep little baby go to sleep little baby
come and lay your bones on the alabaster stones
didnt leave no body but the baby

so close your eyes knowing that you are loved

rockababie @ 2005-10-17T17:18:00

2005-10-17T21:18:55Z

i want matt

rockababie @ 2005-10-16T21:13:00

2005-10-17T01:13:59Z

what happens if--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------>i give up

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

rockababie @ 2005-10-15T19:31:00

2005-10-15T23:33:33Z

the romantic says----> Happy Sweetest Day!!!!!

the cynic says-------> a day for couples manufactured by a clevland candy maker